PHOENIX PSYCHOTHERAPY SYSTEMS
Money Addictions of America LLC
I AM YOUR DISEASE©
By: The Anonymous Addict
Well, hello there! I cannot believe I have really been talked into doing this; telling you about myself (which obviously you as clients either don’t know, or won’t accept). I am going to let you know how I operate; what my strategies are, how I win (and I love to Win)! My initial reaction was—Why should I disclose them to you? After thinking it over, it came to me that as usual, many people will read this and not consider this information anyway, so I have nothing to lose? I mean what the heck, why shouldn’t I divulge this stuff—who’s really gonna pay attention? After all this information has been available for many years and only a few gave a damn about it. Heck many people, even after reading this will still foolishly continue to take me on “their” way (how this makes me chuckle). A.A. /N.A/G.A. people try to tell them things; they won’t accept it. Professional counselors tell them these things; they won’t accept it, but OK, you want to hear the truth directly from the horse’s mouth? Read on………They teach you I am a disease; (I snicker because many people won’t even accept that!) People fail to strongly impress upon you what kind of disease you are up against. Words like progressive, and insidious have little impact on you so let me tell you what I’m all about...I AM YOUR DEADLIEST ENEMY! I make AIDS look minuscule compared with the devastation I have caused and intend to continue to impact on humanity. I conduct my business of mutilation and destruction in a very business-like, highly productive, orderly manner that results in me being extremely successful! I have an insatiable desire to torture, maim and destroy. I am totally vicious! I am brutal! I have perfected my skills of deception to an art form! Early on, in the beginning of my attack on you, I can make myself almost invisible. I take you down ever so slowly and skillfully at first because I sure as heck don’t want you to become aware of me. That might frighten you away. I am the Master of Manipulation! As my progression becomes more visible, I most emphatically am not going to let your frustration and anger be directed at me. No, no, no! I tell you it’s the job, it’s your spouse, and it’s the kids. ..God forbid you should ever wise-up that it’s ME. So I have you lash out at the only people who really care about you. How I revel as I see you thrashing about throwing powder-puff punches at the world. I continually whisper outright lies in your ear and incredibly, you buy right into them. Remember when I told you “THIS TIME IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT!” or “SURE YOU WENT OVERBOARD IN THE PAST, BUT THAT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN!” and my all-time classic-“YOU CAN DO IT YOUR WAY YOU DON’T NEED ANY HELP!” Each time I lie to you and you listen to me, I betray you Look at your track record chump! My paramount reason for being on this earth is to make certain you never achieve your full potential or enjoy the things you deserve. I see you start project after project, but I keep you from completing them so you rarely ever enjoy a feeling of accomplishment. I keep you chasing two rabbits at the same time and grin as I watch your dreams of tomorrow become unfulfilled promises of yesterday. With the young—I damage your potential, destroy your initiative. What pleasure I get from stunting your emotional growth, and converting you into a “never-wuz.” With older people I remove the enjoyment of your autumn years and make you into a “has-been.” I adore screwing up parents. Instead of you moving forward with your lives, I suck you dry with worry and concern about the fate of your kids. In the face of all logic, reasoning, and just plain common sense, Mr. /Mrs. compulsivity you keep listening to me and your reward for foolishly doing this is that I BETRAY YOU AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN! Beginning to get the picture, Pal? I’m not exactly what you would call Mr. Nice Guy! I am a high-tech conversationalist! I just love to convert beautiful, sensitive, caring, productive people into self-centered, omnipotent blood sucking leeches who day-by-day drain their loved ones emotionally, physically and financially. I give you selective hearing; so you hear only what I want you to hear! I give you tunnel-vision; so you see what I want you to see! I roundly applaud myself as you begin to stumble through life as £ prevent you from hearing and growing. How you delight me as you continually permit me to twist your thinking! By the way, pal-o-mine, I not only get a big boot out of messing you up, I am without peer when it comes to wrecking everyone who cares about you and whom you care about. I convince you, of course, that you are only hurting yourself, no one else! As things begin getting a little tackier (that’s called PROGRESSION) and unbelievably you still listen to me, I advance more rapidly within you. I cheer you on as you make emotional yo-yo’s out of those who still stand at your side. Of course you mean all- those—wonderful promises you make to them like—“NO MORE, NEVER AGAIN” ETC. I make damn sure you never carry them out by enticing you to have just one card game, drink, one joint, one line, or just make one little old bet. You better believe I don’t want you wising up to the fact that I am breaking the spirit of the other people in your life; that I am causing them TEN TIMES the amount of pain and sorrow; that I’m dishing out to you. Under my influence—I, grin when you say things you would not have said, I smile softly as you begin not doing things you should. I chuckle as I witness you doing things you never would have done, and I let out a real belly-laugh as you begin doing unthinkable things that inflict horrible pain on those you love which now cause you even higher levels of guilt, remorse, and shame. I become ecstatic every time I witness those tears running down the faces of defenseless individuals and children who you are threatening and terrorizing (your very own spouse and kids)! I must admit I am thrilled to my toes as I rip the very life out of the people around you. Get a load of this—the target that gives me the greatest satisfaction in destroying are YOUR KIDS! I am delighted by every opportunity to keep getting them so upset and off balance by what is going on that they do not stand a chance of growing up without being severely scarred. Look at the millions yes millions of untreated ACOA’s, ACOG’s, I’ve got romping around this country all screwed up! How I chuckle when you say “YOU’LL DIE” IF YOU DRINK, BET, OR USE AGAIN! First of all you know damn well you don’t really believe that, (just look at your past track record). I do not kill people; well, sometimes I do, but when that happens it really ticks me off; obviously I socked it to that person too hard. Heck, when they die, the games are over and I’ve got to find a new CHUMP to take their place. Hey baby, I’d rather keep playing with them; destroy them a little at a time. No, I do my damnedest not to kill you since I want you to live—miserable, wretchedly, horribly! One way I get my jollies is from being the world’s greatest collector. Didn’t know that, did you Pal? Got a warehouse the size of Africa! I happily take things away from you that right-fully belong to you. These are things that you have worked hard for, earned, and deserve. I laugh all the time; I rob you of them and store them so I can enjoy my thievery when things get a little dull. See there’s John’s RESPECT over there; and Mary’s MORALITY. That’s what’s left of Frank’s HONOR, look at this, what a blast I had ripping away Helen’s INTEGRITY and did I ever have a-ball taking away young Bob’s DIRECTION, bet your backside I was thrilled when I got my hands on Ann’s ENTHUSIASM. How I savor fondling these trophies from my past and present robberies. Hey, get a load of all those jobs over there, how sweet it was grabbing them, and how about that pile of previously good marriages? Had a ball destroying them. Down there in that pit is where I keep active people’s SELF -ESTEEM. There’s Don’s FREEDOM (laughed like heck when they put him in the slammer). This pile of rubble makes me just shiver with ecstasy, don’t you recognize it? It used to be people’s CREDIBILITY. And here sweetheart is my most prized stolen possession. Yep, that big steel cage is full of thousands of broken people, what a fantastic sight! All of them stumbling around. Know what I stole from them? THEMSELVES certainly one of my award winning-traits is to steal away YOU! I have absolutely perfected my techniques for causing the process of self-abandonment. What I excel most at is taking you away from YOU! I’m also the unequaled master at converting things; early on I convert you into a procrastinator thus letting you build up unnecessary tension and stress. I adore converting warm, caring people into self-centered, omnipotent jackasses, and bright, intelligent people Into bumbling, fourteen carat idiots. I am the absolute Champion of Deception! I get one heck of a bang doing my Mohammed Ali “ROPA-DOPA” routine on you. I make believe you’ve got me whipped (that CHUMP is called complacency) and when you let your guard down (start missing meetings) I beat the heck out of you again! How I applaud you and cheer you on each time you get into the fight ring with me again—Hurry, you fool! Love it when you keep coming at me with your right fist cocked; your big punch that you’re going to flatten me with. What a laugh! Of course I make sure you don’t get wise to the fact that I’m cutting your face to ribbons with my jabs. I let you ignore the blood running down your face from the cuts I’ve inflicted over your eyes that blind you even further. I go from grinning, to smirking, to belly-laughing as you stumble around throwing powder-puff punches that achieve nothing except to further tire, frustrate and anger you. Eventually I get quite bored by it all and deck you, and you, you fool, expect me to go to a neutral corner. Hey stupid, I know no honor; I abide by no rules; I am the dirtiest of the street fighters and I thoroughly, totally, fully enjoy your suffering. How I relish the sight of you, a person of honor, struggling to get to your feet. I stand right next to you and as you get to your knees, I kick you right in the head before you can get to your feet again; (Maybe now you’ll under-stand why relapses are so devastating…) I am extremely proficient at map-making! Didn’t know that either did you Cupcake! I gleefully talk you into using and following MY map! Oh, to entice you I write on it destinations such as High; partying, excitement, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. In truth they all led but to one place: And it’s not Heaven! You can be very sure, CHUMP, I will do everything possible to camouflage that from you until you have journeyed quite a long and destructive distance with me. How I thrill when I witness clinicians providing their clients with “Tools” to overcome me, and then you meet up with me on the front lines threatening me with your garden trowel. Hey hero, don’t you see I have a tank and twenty crack ground troops? I will annihilate you, you poor simpleton! This is a war, not a garden-party you are involved in and, some-thing else you apparently don’t realize—I do not engage in this war alone! Only a fool would do that (like you do stupid). I, the super strategist, enlist the aid of my allies. The Dealers, Casinos, Business Deals, Horses? . . . my hired hit men! Your so called “friends” are actually my “assassins”! Mess around with them and they will take you out of play, time, after time, after time! I convince you that your hoopla pals in the gin-mills and OTB parlors are your true-blue buddies. I sure as hell make sure you don’t listen to the propaganda spoken by the people who care about you —perish the thought! I love to puff you up and feed into that big fat egotistical head of yours the lie that you are in control-and incredibly you fall for that outright malarkey, over, and over, and over again. Hey gigolo, hey pompous, the moment that you place one bet, CHUMP, one drink, CHUMP; one line, CHUMP; one joint, CHUMP, you are a walking time bomb and you’re gonna go boom! Heaven forbid you should ever look at your lousy track record, for if you ever did it would become exceedingly clear what a swollen headed, prominent, superb ignoramus I am making out of you! Dear me that does sound a bit sarcastic now doesn’t it? Well, you can bet your tush I meant it to be!
Hey c’mon, I always give you what you ask me to—numb out your trouble! You don’t really expect me to tell you about the consequences do you? Hey brother, hey sister what do you expect of me? Surely not to tell you that with each relapse the price is gettin a hell of a lot steeper. That the IOU’s are piling up and that each time I numb out what is bothering you I also automatically numb out your access to your intelligence, your logic, your upbringing. When you are overcome with remorse, guilt, shame and anxiety, then you poor fool I tell you my favorite lie. The lie that I can fix all that stuff too, so you fall for it and drink or gamble some more and the whirlpool of your addiction now progresses ever faster and deeper. Beginning to get the picture honey-bunch? I’m not exactly Mister Nice Guy or Ms. Friendly! I’ll bet you didn’t realize that I sit in on every group therapy session, every one-to-one counseling session every AA/NA/GA or GAMANON meeting. How I love the “counselor-pleaser” type, the “clam-upper.” I could just kiss the “I don’t give a dammer,” and the “liar” sends chills up and down my spine as I’ll be able to grind their faces into the dirt in short order with very little effort needed on my part. FINAL TIDBITS: I convince you, you are only hurting your-self—and then relish every tortured moment that you dish out to those who love you. I whisper deliciously destructive lies into your ear in a most convincing manner. Lies like “they’ll never fire you,” and of course they as I go into ecstasy when I witness the shame for you and family. It gives me goose-bumps when I convince you you’ll never be arrested as your future grinds to a halt when you see the flashing lights of a cop’s car at your home, or the Feds at the front door! I howl with delight when your bookie or loan shark calls in his bets, and you don’t have a dime to your name! Just break an arm or slam that hand! Well, Sweetie Pies I’ve told you some of my secrets; told you some of my strategies; shared some of my attack plans. Of course, I’m banking on many of you not listening to what I’ve told you, or thinking it was hogwash and dribble. I intend to capitalize on that and convert you into a CHUMP again—CHUMP! So long for now, you gorgeous active person you! Of course we shall meet again—and again! I’m looking forward to that! And for those of you in early recovery Adieu—certainly not so long, you’re doing real good kids!
Written By: The Anonymous Addict and edited by www.heiko.com Phoenix Systems.
© Phoenix Psychotherapy Systems, LastWager, Money Addictions of America
**Not to be reprinted without permission